Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
