I skipped work to stalk him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did i walk over a car last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
