remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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