Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
