just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We need to get me chipped asap
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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