I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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