you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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