i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
did you just send me my own nude
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
