don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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