Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
