8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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