Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
whose parrot is this?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
