no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
