I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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