tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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