Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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