and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Houston, we have a squirter
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
