it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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