He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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