I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
