I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
