I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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