youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
