evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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