Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
