My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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