I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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