he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize