Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
