its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
