i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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