she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
