I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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