I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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