Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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