u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
