he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We are all done wearing pants today
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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