Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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