i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
