I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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