Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
