dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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