id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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