Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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