how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
