I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
