Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
