yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We have so much sex to catch up on
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
