How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
