my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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