Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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