I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
