He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
