i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
