she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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