yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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