Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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