Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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