You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
