Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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