That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
