Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
