I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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