im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
