But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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