I think my fart just growled at me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
