i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
